Sick and Tired and Longing for the Swiss

Welcome to the doldrums, people.

I've entered a period of constant exhaustion and free-floating nausea. My thickened saliva has taken to gathering at the back of my throat like a schoolyard gang of bullies barring anyone from entering the lunch room. The result is a hair-trigger gag reflex that even liquids risk setting off. Despite how exponentially disgusting this condition sounds, I am hungry.

Although the tube is working well enough (I've still managed a maximum of 5 cans of liquid nutrients so far) and my taste buds are long gone, my stomach is not ready to relinquish the memory of solid food. I feel like my body is screaming for food, especially meat. I'm constantly fantasizing about meals that I'm months away from tasting.

Topping my wish list is a Swiss Chalet quarter chicken dinner with fries and an extra dipping sauce (I am my mother's son). A close second is a barbecued smoked cheddar sausage in a toasted, seasoned bun trimmed with ketchup, mustard, zucchini relish, sliced olives, and sun-dried tomatoes. The Food Network is now my pornography.

After confessing these longings to dentist Dr. Lee at Princess Margaret Hospital today, she discouragingly reminded me that my taste buds may not return to full force until 6 to 9 months after treatment ends. Anyone free for lunch at Swiss Chalet in August 2008?