Merry Christmas!

I am thrilled to have two big Christmas wishes come true.

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First, and most importantly, I am feeling well enough to see friends and family. Today, my father will pick up Jeanette and I to spend Christmas with them at their home in Ayr. And this past Saturday, I visited my Little Brother Alfredo for the first time since October. It was so great to see him! After that visit, I managed to meet up with my friend Kim and her husband and nephew, and then later I met my good friends Allegra and Chris, visiting from Ottawa. Each rendez-vous took place at Yorkdale mall on the last Saturday before Christmas -- yikes! Despite being surrounded by panicked shoppers, I was thrilled to be out and seeing my friends. It was definitely the happiest I've ever been in a mall at Christmastime.

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My second wish was to have at least some taste back to enjoy a bite or two of Christmas fare. That too has come to pass, and although most tastes are still dull (especially anything sweet), I am managing three tiny meals a day now. My throat is still sore as it gets used to having food pass through it, but that's not going to stop me from sampling some turkey and stuffing tomorrow!

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Jeanette and I would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. We hope you enjoy every friend, family member, and taste of Christmas that comes your way!

Check-Up from the Neck Up

I had a quick check-up with Dr. O'Sullivan on Monday morning. He was very pleased with my progress and I was very pleased to be able to answer his questions directly again. Not that I don't appreciate how skilled Jeanette became at translating my goop-mouth-speak to English.

The next step will be to remove my J-tube once I'm completely back to taking food orally. I'm to call Dr. O'Sullivan when I reach that point and he'll arrange for the procedure to remove the tube. In the meantime, he has booked another CT scan for me on February 19. I'll then see him again on February 27. I'll also see Dr. Irish around the same time.

Next up are follow-up appointments with the PMH dentist on January 8 and with Dr. Chen (who oversaw my chemo) on January 14. That means I can spend the holidays free of any medical appointments. Another great Christmas gift; it's just what I wanted.

TASTE!

I can taste!

Today was my workplace's holiday lunch. They kindly booked a restaurant within walking distance of our apartment in case I was feeling well enough to make an appearance. Happily, I was feeling well enough and I braved the cold for the ten-minute walk.

I had warned them that I wouldn't be eating, I wouldn't stay long, and I wouldn't say much -- in other words, the perfect party guest. Once I arrived, however, it was so fantastic to see everyone that I couldn't help but make conversation. And once I was surrounded by all the delicious smelling food, I couldn't resist a nibble. I tried a single sweet potato frite and was amazed to discover... I could taste it! I went on to have a little cream of mushroom soup. It was rich and delicious. I felt like an invalid who suddenly rises from his wheelchair.

Having some of my taste back feels like a miracle, but I'll remain cautious about returning to the world of solid foods. Who knows how testy my stomach will be after not having anything in it for four or five weeks. My goopy throat also has some objections to my taking in too much grub.

Nevertheless, the surprise return of my taste buds was truly a cause to celebrate. I ended up staying for the entire lunch. Not such a perfect guest after all, but who cares? I can taste!

Oh, So Much Better!

What a difference a week makes.

I have been feeling so much better these past few days, I can't even tell you -- but I'll try. My mouth pain has subsided to almost nothing. Free of the constipating qualities of any painkillers, my guts have returned to their regular and painless functionality. Thank you all for enduring last week's unpleasantly graphic post.

With my pain all but gone, I have even ventured outside for two big walks this weekend. The cherry on the cake (or the star on the tree) is that Jeanette and I travelled across the street (literally) to little Garden Court Nurseries and purchased a Christmas tree. I was beginning to worry that I'd miss out on any Christmas cheer this year, but a festive little tree in our living room is helping to turn that around. It's also pleasing to have that pine smell replace the odour of my plastic feeding bag and the Nutren stuff I pour into it.

Feeling better is fantastic, but I'm also trying to keep my expectations in check. My medical team has told me repeatedly that I'll need to be patient during this time. So I'm not even thinking about how long it'll be before I'm free of goop in my mouth, before that patch of hair on the back of my head returns, before the radiation-burned skin on my neck clears up, or how long before the triumphant return of my taste buds. Nope. Not thinking about that at all...

Rock Bottom

(Warning: the following post contains images and descriptions of severe grossness. If you think it's bad to read about, try experiencing it.)


Worst. Week. Ever.

True to the warnings, the pain is my mouth has continued to worsen despite the end of treatment. To deal with it, I was taking the prescribed liquid codeine every four hours. One of the side effects, drowsiness, was immediate and helped me sleep. The other side effect, constipation, was slower to take effect. In preparation, I was also carefully taking the prescribed laxative and stool softeners. As it turns out, it would have been more effective if I had been prescribed a midwife.

On Sunday, the constipation arrived. It was more painful than any of the mouth pain I've experienced -- immediate and unrelenting. Between convulsions on the toilet, I stopped taking the codeine and continued with the anti-constipation stuff. What followed was a gruelling 72 hours of hell as I dealt with both the full-blown mouth pain and the far worse ordeal of trying to pass objects the size of tennis balls and five times as dense.

At one point on Monday, my writhing pulled loose my J-tube from my stomach by a good four inches. Jeanette rushed me down to the nursing clinic at PMH where they determined the tube was still properly in place internally (thank goodness) and re-secured its external dressing.

Today, at last, the worst seems to have passed (so to speak). I finally have the strength to sit at the computer again and am even managing to do so some laundry. For my own sanity, I need to believe that this episode is the worst things will get and that it's all uphill from here. Rock bottom is neither a place I want to dwell nor a nickname I want to keep.